Whoever said time flies wasn’t joking. It occurs to me that I have not posted anything in nearly two months. It doesn’t seem that long. To be fair, I started writing updates several times. I just never got to the point where I was happy with the entries. The message just didn’t seem right. I realize now that is likely due to my mind being all over the place.

I’ll start with the health update. When I last wrote at the end of May, we had received a blood test showing signs that the cancer could be pushing back. We did a PET scan that did not detect enough activity for us to take any action at that time. We repeated the blood test on June 12^th. The result was that the concentration levels had increased significantly. At our next appointment, the doctor indicated that there was an oral medication she would like to try. At that time, she let us know that it would be tricky to get insurance to approve the drug. While the drug was meant to target the molecular structure of the cancer inside me, it was not meant to treat “bladder cancer.” Long story short, as of our appointment a few days ago (7/24), insurance had denied the prescription at least twice, even after the doctor talked to them and explained the reasoning. She is going to give it one more week and then, depending on the most recent bloodwork, pivot to a different course of action with chemotherapy infusions being a possibility if necessary.

It’s been five weeks or so since we received the test results from mid-June. The blogs that I’ve started since then have touched on gearing up for another fight, doubts and fears, and examinations into my motivations for ever starting the blog in the first place. There is no exaggeration when I say that my mind has been all over the place. I abandoned those thoughts because they seemed repetitive and redundant to me. I had covered the fighting, anyone in my position would naturally have doubts and fears and I couldn’t quite resolve my reasons for starting the blog.

For several months, my reading, listening and attention have been focused on The Law of Attraction and the science behind it. I’ve found many, many other books besides The Secret by Rhonda Byrne that discuss the subject. In the way that one thing leads to another, I found myself exploring our origins as humans. Inevitably, the history of religion has come into play as well. Somehow, I made the leap to learning what I can about quantum mechanics. I’m not going to bore you with how one led to the other, nor am I going to try to explain in depth how I’m processing what I’m learning. If I zoom out and look at all of this, it doesn’t seem that weird. Why wouldn’t a person being threatened with a life ending disease spend time trying to make sense of things? I can say it all has me thinking differently and it has me wanting to do more with what I have.

A recurring message that I have encountered (and this is one that has been showing up since before I was diagnosed last year) has to do with the thoughts you think and the words you say. The consensus is that if you want something you need to think as if you already have it. You must speak only about having it in the present tense – not the future. And you must act as if the thing is already yours. The kicker is, the brain does not distinguish between what is good for you and what is bad for you. It just goes where you lead it. These thoughts and actions can be portrayed as confidence or insecurity. Either way, the chips fall into place.

Although this has been drilled into my brain, I have not been using it correctly. At least not in ways that were beneficial.

For example, my Cancer Blog has been mostly about the fight and surviving. I received very positive responses and feedback from all of that. That made me think of some questions:

Did I create a situation where I am now known as a Cancer Fighter?

To be a Cancer Fighter, don’t you need to constantly have cancer?

I had even bought a shirt that says, “Fighting Cancer Is My Superpower.” Have I been sending myself the wrong message?

I now realize that while I have not let cancer control me, I have entered into a relationship with it and made it a part of me. It is not difficult to see how that is a problem. If it is a part of my identity, how can I ever be cancer free?

Going forward, I am shifting my focus. I will no longer be writing a cancer blog that discusses my personal battle. There will be only two more entries in the “Cancer Fight” category after this one. The next one will provide health updates and will be added to as we get new information. That is the only place I’m going to write about what is going on with my treatment. If you want to know, you’ll have to go look it up as I will not be sending out any social media posts or emails announcing the updates. They’ll just show up as I remember to add them. You are ALWAYS welcome to call, text or email if you want to know more. I’m not refusing to discuss it; I’m just no longer giving it a starring role in this story.

Another shift in my focus is this: I am alive, so I will live. For a long time, things would pop up preventing me from pursuing my dreams. Little things, big things – all kinds of things. Turns out that things were not the problem. Me allowing them to get in the way was. As they say, there is no time like the present. My business, 130 Coaching & Consulting is now up and running. Other ventures that we’re working on can be found on the homepage of Chrischelli.com. The blog will live there as well, but new writing topics are to be explored.

Yes, there is still some business to take care of health wise. That is being attended to. In the meantime, the focus is on the present and doing the things that need to be done in order to try and make the world a tiny bit better than it was before.

 And one more thing, the final blog in the “Cancer Fight” category is the one that I write sharing that I am cancer free.