Around the time of my senior year in high school, my dad gave me an audio cassette and told me to listen to it.  I had heard of Lou Holtz.  I knew he was the football coach at Notre Dame.  What I didn’t know is that he was also a motivational speaker.  A really good one.  The tape was one of his speaking engagements.  That tape would become a cornerstone of my life.

I’m not going to get into the details of his talk.  From YouTube videos I’ve watched of him recently, it hasn’t changed a whole lot over the past three decades.  So, if you’re interested, check one out here.  It hasn’t changed because it doesn’t need to.  His messages are timeless.  They are as appropriate today as they were 30 years ago. 

He puts a lot of emphasis on attitude.  In fact, the first chapter of his first book, Winning Every Day, is titled, “Every Victory Is Won Before The Game Is Played: The Power Of Attitude”.  As he expands on that, he introduces the acronym WIN, which stands for, “What’s Important Now?”  This is the question that I, or anyone, should be asking themselves countless times per day if they want to win in life.

For me, at this stage of our journey, nothing is more important than attitude.  In my opinion, there are three types of attitudes: Positive, negative and neutral.  Most of us are familiar with the positive and negative.  Neutral thinking is a concept that I came across in a book by Trevor Moawad, It Takes What It Takes.  The way I understand it, neutral thinking is stripping away the emotion of a situation to focus on what is, focus on the truth.  It asks that question, what’s important now?

I want to share my approach to our situation in hopes that maybe it can inspire someone that is dealing with adversity and feeling down.  One thing I will mention is that I flip flop a lot in my writing between singularity and plural.  I use the plurals, we and us, when possible because I am not going through this alone.  My wife, our family and our close friends are all part of this.  I am nothing without them, so I must acknowledge that.  When I use singular tenses, it is because those are my own personal thoughts.

We are a couple months into the reality of the cancer diagnosis. With attitude, I fight to stay within the positive and neutral ranges.  I reject all negativity.  That’s not to say I never have a negative thought.  I’m human.  I just notice it, realize that it doesn’t serve me and move on.  The need for a positive mindset is obvious, but the neutral is to keep me grounded.  I know I cannot “positive think” my way out of this just by being positive.  The neutrality is confronting the reality of the situation and reminding myself that I can’t let my guard down.

I’ve adopted “It Takes What It Takes” as my personal slogan (Thanks Trevor).  When a doctor tells me what’s coming next, when a nurse explains the possible side effects of chemotherapy, when the phlebotomist draws my blood, all I can think is, it takes what it takes.  When people ask me how my treatment is going, when friends check on me – literally any time I discuss what we are going through with anyone, my message is that it takes what it takes.

I also refuse to say that “I have (this disease)” – see, I won’t even type the words.  I will say I have a cancer diagnosis and I will say that I have a disagreement with cancer.  It wants to live here and I see it as a squatter that needs to be evicted.

I’ve also made it my mission to try to improve the day of every healthcare worker I come in contact with.  Smiles and gratitude don’t cost a thing but go a long way for the people that are helping me.  When I’m receiving treatments, I make it a point to say thank you to them every time they add more medicine to my body.  And I always tell them that I didn’t feel a thing every time I get stuck with a needle (which is a lot these days.)

After round two of Chemo, I started running a low fever.  This was a Thursday evening.  We called the doctor and she said to take Tylenol and call back in the morning if it wasn’t better.  Friday morning was worse, and they got me on an antibiotic.  The fever came down, but still needed to be controlled by Tylenol through the weekend.  On Monday and Tuesday, I tried to live as normally as I could, but had absolutely no energy.  By Tuesday evening, the fever was 101 after taking Tylenol and was up to 102.5 Wednesday morning.  We called into the doctor at 6am and she said to pack a bag and head to the ER.

I was in the hospital from Wednesday morning until Friday around 5pm.  I was suffering from an infection, likely to do with the tubes that were surgically placed to help my kidney function.

I bring up the hospital stay because when I told someone about it, the reaction was, “You can’t catch a break, can you?”  And my response was that I did catch a break.  I got there in time, I received great care, and was able to get out quickly to free the bed up for someone else.

Some people close to me were upset that I was stuck in an ER room for about 32 hours before a regular room was available.  My response was that at least I was in a room in the ER and not out in the hallway. (The ER was busy that day). 

During my most recent Chemo treatment, I posted a picture on Snapchat of the 4 or 5 bags of medicine on my IV tower.  One response was from a person saying the picture made them sad.  I replied that there is no sadness allowed.  This is what needs to happen to get through this.  A wise friend told me to think of chemotherapy as a “Love Infusion.”  There is no other way to view it.

The wise friend also asked me to remind people that when we are in their thoughts and prayers to see me as whole and strong.  Not broken and suffering.  For me, that makes a lot of sense.  If you’re the type of person that believes in positive thinking and prayer, then you must also realize that the images you’re projecting matter.  And from the number of messages that I get about people praying for us, it matters a lot.

That brings me from attitude to gratitude.  I’ve started receiving calls, texts, and emails from people that I haven’t spoken to in years.  People are telling us that they are speaking up in churches asking entire congregations to pray for us. I cannot express the amount of gratitude we feel for that.  On that note, if you’re reading this and have been thinking about reaching out, do it.  The messages and positive vibes remind me what we’re fighting for.

We need to thank the people that are out there trying to help us out in other ways.  I’m not one to name names, but Charlie Diggs and Christian Waldo, we appreciate what you have done and are doing for us.  Same to the entire team at Rowdys Dance Hall.  Your eagerness to work with us is received with gratefulness.

So far, this journey has been a roller coaster ride.  And not your typical slow climb before the first drop roller coaster.  It’s like the Incredible Hulk version at Universal Orlando where you start to climb and then are launched at 40 mph a few seconds in.  You’re not quite prepared, but if you hold on it’s all worth it in the end. 

We’re hanging on and living as much as we can.  And we will continue to appreciate what we have, the care we’re receiving and the people that are reaching out.  We are working with a phenomenal oncologist, who is on board with us getting a second opinion from MD Anderson.  The other doctors we’re seeing are amazing as well.  When I mentioned who my doctors were at the hospital the only response was how lucky we were to have the A-Team in our corner.

As I stated in the first blog, luck is truly on our side.

We have the right attitude.

We’re overwhelmed with gratitude.

And we’re looking forward to taking the steps we need to take to win.