In 2015 I started coaching Women’s Roller Derby.  My wife had been playing for 5 years, and if you know us, it was always inevitable that I would get involved at some point.  We do everything together.  I was part of the team’s coaching staff for the next 5 seasons.  During those 5 years, the team went to 4 championship games and won 2 of them.  The 2017 team was amazing and ran the table – going undefeated.  But it was the 2019 team that stands out for me.  The league had downsized, dropping from 4 teams to 3.  So, the regular season was just 4 games.  Two against each opponent.  Our team lost each of the first two games.  It did not look good.  But then the most amazing thing happened.  The athletes on the team started playing for their teammates.  They wanted to win for the team more than they wanted to win for themselves.  The team that was an afterthought went on to win the next two regular season games by enough of a margin to qualify for the championship game (each of the three teams had a 2-2 record, so point differential was the tiebreaker).  The final game turned out to be a great bout.  The score was close and it was hard fought on both sides.  But our team prevailed in the end.  Grit, determination, and selflessness ruled the day and completed a redemption arc that inspires me to this day.

Sports have always played a big role in my life.  From playing, to coaching, to being a fan, they have provided me with many unforgettable moments.  In my opinion, many of the best moments involve comebacks or stories of redemption like that of the 2019 roller derby team.

As a Massachusetts native, there are some obvious ones to lean on.  The 2004 Red Sox coming back from a 3 games to 0 deficit against the Yankees and the 2016 Patriots coming back from being down 28-3 in the 3^rd quarter of Superbowl 51 against the Falcons are two of the greatest feats of will and determination that I’ve ever witnessed.

On a personal level, there are a couple of situations from my wrestling days that come to mind.

One was my first match in the 1994 New England Tournament.  I turned a 2-0 deficit in the final period into a 6-5 win by allowing my opponent to get to his feet, which gave him a point, so I could take him back down to the mat which gave me two.  I did that three times in about 60 seconds.  Re-watching the video of it 29 years later still gives me chills.

Another defining match came about a month earlier.  My opponent was a senior from a rival school that had won his division the prior year.  He was actually a 125 pounder (I was 130) but on two occasions that season, I got to wrestle against him.  The first was in December.  He made a good move 30 seconds into the match that put him up 5-0.  I outscored him 5-1 over the next five and a half minutes.  Unfortunately, all that did was give him the match 6-5.  The rematch came the first week of February.  While the rumors said he would be at 125 for the meet, I prepared for him anyway.  As luck would have it, he decided to let me get my redemption.  And I did in a big way.  The final score was 17-2.  Because of the 15-point lead, the match was a technical fall and stopped in the 2^nd period.  If it had gone longer, I probably would have pinned him. If you’re interested, here’s the match. Thanks Dad for taking all the videos.

In all of the above examples, the games, bouts, and matches were won before they were played.  The roller derby team never gave up, practiced hard and did everything they could to improve as the season progressed.  The 2004 Red Sox had to have iron minds to do what no team had ever done before.  The 2016 Patriots were prepared for every possible situation.  And my matches were won every morning at 5am when I got out of bed (as a 17-year-old) to put in an hour of workout time before school.  They were won with extra reps in practice, studying opponents when possible and executing the right moves at the right time.  And I never let up.  I had a couple of “No Fear” shirts around that time.  I’ve been thinking about them a lot lately.  One had the phrase “You Let Up You Lose.”  It was an important message then and now.

And that brings us to where we are now.  Ever since the late March hospital stay, we’ve started our comeback.  There are the mental wins – regular workout sessions during the non-chemo weeks right up until the mornings of the infusion treatments.  Or the trips in our Travel Trailer to spend time with friends and family.  Then there are the medical wins.  I mentioned the CEA tumor marker score of 10.5 in the last entry which was down from 41.9 in February.  Well, two weeks later it cut in half again down to 4.8.  This week was 3.7.  We’re knocking on the door of normal at or below 2.5.  

Then there was the Monday May 8^th PET scan.  My wife and I got the results the next evening through MyChart.  They looked encouraging, but we had no clue how to interpret what they said.  I sent an email to our oncologist to let her know the results were in and that we would appreciate some feedback from her before the next appointment on Tuesday the 16^th. 

The next morning, she emailed back saying that it was a day off for her and she would for sure check them Thursday morning. Half an hour later, I was on a treadmill at the gym. She emailed again saying she had peaked at the notes, and they were VERY good. She wanted me to make an appointment with our urologist to discuss surgery options.  She also mentioned he may refer us to a specialist at Baylor Medicine as our case is on the complicated side. Several minutes later (still on the treadmill, walking at a 4mph pace) there was another email. In this one she said she had already reached out to the urologist, and he did want to refer the case. She was having her assistant make the arrangements.  On her day off. Did I ever mention she’s the best?

I must admit, I was flooded with emotion. My eyes were welling up. I had to speed up the treadmill to a jogging speed of about 7 mph to keep from fully breaking down. It didn’t help that I was listening to a motivational podcast with the background music to match. It was hitting me that WE ARE WINNING!  Whatever we’re doing is working!

At our Tuesday appointment we got to ask the questions.  What did it say, what did it mean?  She said the PET scan essentially showed no activity.  It even had the words, “No evidence for active metastatic bladder cancer.” I brought up a sports analogy.  I said that when I was in the hospital at the end of March, it was like we were down big (like 28-3 in Superbowl 51).  But now I felt like we were at least back to even – tied the score.  She said she never thought of it that way but felt that was a good assessment.  I then mentioned the MD Anderson doctor’s evaluation from mid-April where she basically said we needed a miracle (her exact words were, “he hopes to continue to fight this against all odds.”)  I asked if we were in miracle territory.  She indicated that was the case. 

The next day (yesterday as I write this), we saw the specialist from Baylor.  The next step will be him getting me into the operating room (as early as next week) to get a look at what’s going on inside me.  That will determine the extent of what happens next.  It could be a major surgery to cut out the cancerous areas.  We won’t know until he sees what we’re dealing with.

In the meantime, something is working.  I don’t know if it’s the chemotherapy. I don’t know if it’s the supplements.  I don’t know if it’s the alternative complimentary therapies that I do on my own. I don’t know if it’s my mindset.  And I don’t know if it’s the positive vibes, thoughts and prayers from all of you. 

And I will never know if it’s just one of the above. Because we are not letting up on ANY of these. You Let Up, You Lose.

This fight is far from over.  There is a long way to go.  We’re nowhere near the endgame.  But it’s looking a lot better than it was.  And every win matters.

It’s worth repeating, we are very blessed and extremely grateful for the army of support we have been gifted. It means the world to us, and we’re convinced it is a big part of our success.

I mentioned earlier there were two No Fear shirts that have been on my mind. The second is my promise to my wife, my family, my friends, and my supporters.  It’s my commitment to keep fighting and never give up.

It reads – A Champion Is Someone Who Gets Up. Even When They Can’t.