Have you ever had one of those moments where you realize you’ve done something completely selfish and had no idea?  One of those moments that make you stop and say, “Shit – I messed up.”? That happened to me a few days ago.

I was working a long outdoor event. The day was hot, and it had taken its toll on me. One of the people I have been doing these events with for years said she noticed that I looked a little spent. I mentioned that I had recently resumed some treatment regimens and that was likely part of it. She said she had no idea. I mentioned how I wasn’t exactly broadcasting it these days. She said, “What about your blog?” I mentioned how a few months ago I had posted that I was discontinuing the “Cancer Fight” blog. She asked why. I summed it up by saying that I felt like I had allowed the identity of being a person that fights cancer take center stage in my life putting the disease in the spotlight. In my mind, a cancer fighter needs cancer like a bull fighter needs a bull. One cannot exist without the other. When my bloodwork showed evidence that the disease was fighting back and wanting a bigger roll in this story, I made the decision to demote it. In theory, it’s the right mindset.

But then, the gut punch came. She told me that my writing helps other people that are having a tough time. That I actually inspire people that are literally fighting for their lives.  There was no backpedaling from that. The only words that came to mind were, “Shit – I messed up.”

So here we are. In truth, I never intended to stop writing. Well, to be completely honest, I haven’t. I’ve been journaling daily for almost three months. While I have been journaling regularly for three years or so, it has only been since July that I made it a daily ritual. I have two rules with this habit. The first is that I must declare one thing I’m grateful for. The second is that if I miss a day, I must have another thing for each day I missed. That’s it. Some days, it’s a short entry with one thing to be grateful for. Others I write a page or two. I cannot express the power of starting your day with gratitude. It truly sets the tone.

Speaking of tone, this entry is meant to introduce a new category of writing. I believe in keeping my word, so what I said about the “Cancer Fight” category will be upheld. My new entries will not discuss the specifics and details about what I’m doing about my situation.  Instead, I want to spend more time sharing the things that I have learned. Things that can help people navigate this insanely crazy world we live in. Topics that I intend to explore are mindset and attitude, health and wellness, how to actually get rid of those unwanted pounds and how to communicate with the medical world.

I posted an entry on October 10^th of 2023 where I made the following statement,

“What I’m trying to get across is that none of this has felt like a fight. I don’t feel I’ve done anything special or extraordinary.  It has been a series of days, strung together, doing the things that my doctors and personal research say I should be doing.”

What a stupid asinine thing to say. The part about it not being a fight is also extremely untrue.

So, here’s to the new direction where I can keep my word and continue to share what I hope is helpful information. I want to share how you need to be your own biggest advocate when it comes to your health. I want to get the point across that no one can manage your experience like you can. I want to share information that I have learned that can help a person without any health issues avoid them. And for the people that do find themselves in a difficult health situation, what you can do to win.

A few more things, if there was one person out there that got any kind of hope or inspiration from what I wrote in the past, I apologize to you for my selfish decision to stop sharing. It is my hope that the path going forward can make up for that. And if you are in a situation where you feel stuck, lost or confused, especially if it involves a health condition, please reach out. It would be my honor to listen to your story and offer anything that I have learned that might be able to help.

Finally, to the “gut puncher” referenced at the beginning, while I already thanked you in my journal, I feel like I need to do it again. You know who you are, and I appreciate your candor.

Maybe you noticed the new category when you started reading, but in case you skipped that part, the theme going forward is how to Fight For Your Life.